


big conversation

by littletownstreet



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Pining, a number of other people briefly appear, brief jade/niall, idiots to lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:28:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24042106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littletownstreet/pseuds/littletownstreet
Summary: Niall Horan's Miracle Theatre: LIVE!Niall has a show on the university radio station and some solid advice. Harry has a (completely manageable) crush and a plan.
Relationships: Niall Horan/Harry Styles
Comments: 6
Kudos: 87





	big conversation

**Author's Note:**

> oh_jesus_oh_my_god.jpg

The day the show premiered on the university’s radio station, Niall was so nervous he’d bitten the skin around his thumb until he bled. Harry came prepared, obviously (he technically wasn’t allowed in the room, but once he sat down it was immediately clear to everyone that he wouldn’t be removed), and he’d wrapped Niall’s thumb in a band-aid, taken him by the shoulders, and told him “Kid, you’re gonna be a star. ‘Niall Horan’s Miracle Theatre’ is gonna be a hit.”

The title was just one of many that Harry had spent the weeks leading up to premiere day pitching him. Niall had so much on his plate at the time that coming up with a title for the show that wasn’t completely boring had fallen to the wayside, and Harry had gladly taken it upon himself to come up with more colorful ones to make up for it. 

Anyway, this didn’t actually do anything to calm him, and in fact made him kind of irritated, so Harry decided his next move would be to silently hold Niall’s hand instead. 

Niall had written out a little script for himself, just to make sure his nerves didn’t get the best of him. Harry had helped him with it the night before, mostly by pitching lines that Niall shot down immediately. He’d like to believe this played an instrumental role in Niall finding his voice. 

But when the little  _ LIVE  _ sign lit up red, Niall glanced at his script once and then looked up at Harry. He’d looked so unsure that Harry had wanted to wrap him up in a hug, but instead he just squeezed his hand and gave him a thumbs up with the other. 

Niall took a deep breath and said “You’re listening to the first episode of ‘Niall Horan’s Miracle Theatre.’”

Harry was elated, and also banned. The name stuck, though. 

Niall is probably the best person Harry knows. He can’t think of anyone on campus more well suited to hosting an advice show. He’s so kind and wise, imparting knowledge generously to those who ask. 

Most of the time, anyway. There was that one time he’d yelled at a caller and banned him from listening to the show anymore, but it’s fine, because he wanted to trick his girlfriend into losing weight and he deserved it. Niall is good at judgement calls like that.

They’re all very proud of Niall and his show. So proud, that Liam and Harry make a point to listen to his Saturday show together every week at their nearest Starbucks. 

(Harry lures Liam to Starbucks with the promise that  _ this  _ time they’ll study but then he’ll pull out his earbuds and beg Liam to listen with him. Liam’s a good friend but sometimes he needs help getting his priorities in order.)

Then Harry will blatantly moon over Niall for the full hour of his show, Liam will say, “Why don’t you just tell him?” because Liam is painfully naive, and Harry will sigh longsufferingly and pretend he didn’t hear him.

He’s yammering on about that now, all  _ Harry, you should just talk to him  _ and  _ Harry, I think you’d surprise yourself if you stopped this and just had a conversation with him  _ when he finally, finally hears one of Niall’s callers say something of worth to him.

“ _ I’ve been friends with this girl for a while,”  _ a tinny female voice says. He shushes Liam and turns the volume up higher. “ _ And I like her. Like, like her-like her, but I don’t know how she feels about me, and I don’t know what to do about that.”  _

Harry holds his breath. This is his answer. This is his peak into what Niall would want. Everything will make sense to him when Niall answers this question. 

“Well,” Niall starts. “That can be scary. But I think you should just put yourself out there. You should lay out your feelings for her and if she’s a good friend and she doesn’t feel the same way, you guys can move past it.” 

_ No. _

Harry doesn’t even bother looking up at Liam, he already knows  _ I told you so _ is written all over his face. 

“Obviously this girl and I are in completely different situations,” he tells Liam. 

“Harry, for God’s sake-”

“No, I’m serious. She said she was just friends with this girl. Niall isn’t just a friend to me, he’s my _best friend_. You can’t just say that sort of thing to your best friend, that’s the kind of thing you say to someone you see twice a week in classes and at parties sometimes. And I don’t just like him, I’m like-” he cuts himself off when he looks up at Liam. That was more than he meant to share, and the pitying look on his face was exactly what he was trying to avoid. Liam’s like a Golden Retriever, friendly and unfailingly loyal, so he knows he won’t tell anyone, but– he still feels exposed. “That girl obviously doesn’t know anything about what it’s like to be me.”

“So you should ask him yourself,” Liam says gently.

Harry rolls his eyes. “Yes, Liam, I know, I should just-” There’s a lightbulb over his head, he can feel it. The type that’s lit over a cartoon character’s head when they’ve had the most genius idea. “I should ask him myself.”

Liam looks thrilled. “Yes!”

“Liam, give me your phone.” 

“What, no. Harry, no.” Liam clutches his phone to his chest like Harry’s going to reach over and wrestle it from him – which, offensive, because that’s beneath him. “I meant ask him in person. Ask him alone- _Harry!”_ Liam yelps when Harry decides that lunging across the table isn’t beneath him, actually. “You have a phone! What do you need mine for?” 

“I’m gonna download a text-to-speech app, obviously,” He swipes for the phone again, but Liam just holds it over his head. “Niall will recognize my voice.” 

“I don’t understand why you won’t just talk to him,” Liam says for the millionth time, probably. 

“We’ve been over this, Liam,” he says, making a grab for his phone again, nearly knocking over Liam’s textbook this time. He smiles at the barista when he catches her glaring at him. She won’t throw them out. “He’ll probably figure out it’s me before I can ask him anything at all and we’ll all have a laugh about it.”

Liam seems to be considering this, and while his guard is down Harry grabs his arm and snatches his phone out of his hand. 

“Thank you, Liam,” he says.

Liam might still be talking, but he’s not paying attention anymore. He’s on the clock now, Niall’s show is off the air in ten minutes. “This is a bad idea, Harry.”

“This is the best idea I’ve ever had.” He says, partly because it’s true and partly because he’s already dialing Niall’s advice line and it’s too late to back down now. 

“Hey, you’re on the air!”

It takes Liam kicking his shin under the table for him to realize Niall’s voice is coming through the speaker of his phone as well as his laptop, And then it takes him swatting his head for Harry to realize he still hasn’t said anything and he actually hasn’t thought this far ahead. 

He sits there, frozen, Liam’s phone in front of him with the text-to-speech app open.  _ Help me _ , he mouths.

Liam glares at him.  _ Speak,  _ he mouths back.

“Erm… is anyone there?” 

He feels a little bad about insisting that this was such a great idea before, because it’s becoming clear that he wasn’t prepared for this in any sense of the word, but he’d hate to let Niall down by hanging up on him. 

_ Sorry,  _ he types.

“Um, no problem, mate. You alright?” 

Okay, so there’s more things Harry hadn’t considered when he set this plan into motion than he’d initially realized. Like, how to explain why he had a robot voice instead of a human voice. 

_ I’m using an app _ , he explains.  _ I have pneumonia. _

Niall laughs good-naturedly and Harry feels more at ease already. He understands Niall’s callers a bit better now, he thinks. 

“No worries. What do you need help with?”

_ I think I’ve got the same sort of problem as your last caller,  _ he tells him.  _ But it’s actually really different.  _

He can see Liam rolling his eyes but he persists.

“How?”

_ I’m not just friends with this person. They mean a lot to me. The most to me. And they haven’t expressed any interest in me and I don’t want to risk things being awkward by telling them because I like how things are now and I don’t know what I would do without him.  _

“That’s tough. But my advice would be the same. I f your feeling overwhelms you so much it ruins the fun parts of your friendship, let them know you have feelings and that might be half the battle. It’s going to be hard either way and at least if you do this everything is out in the open. They may feel the same way! If they don’t, at least you know and you don’t have to stress about it anymore. If things become too awkward for you to be friends anymore, were they really your friend in the first place? A friendship shouldn’t end because of awkwardness if both people want to be a part of it. ”

Harry hangs up immediately. Then he slams the laptop shut. He yanks the earbuds out of Liam’s ear for good measure.

“Niall really isn’t all that smart,” he tells him. 

  
  


“Any interesting callers today, Niall?” Harry asks when they meet for lunch later that day. 

Niall rolls his eyes. He knows Harry listens every week. Harry goes out of his way to let Niall know he listens every week. He’s basically become Niall Horan’s Miracle Theatre’s biggest fan in his efforts to show Niall how supportive he is of him in all his endeavors. That’s not a title he takes lightly, either, especially considering the competition he has for it. Harry’s thought Niall was the greatest person he's ever known since the day he met him, and since his show went on air, he’s found a number of rather enthusiastic girls from their school agree with him. 

The day Harry discovered hot girls thirsting after Niall in the #niallhoransmiracletheatre hashtag on instagram was pretty much the worst day of his life, not helped by the fact that Niall obviously loved the attention. It’s extremely emotionally taxing to make sure he’s always the hottest person competing for Niall’s affections. 

“There was  _ no one  _ who caught your attention?”

Niall just laughs. “Not sure what you want me to say, Harry. It was a normal show. Why, did someone you know call?”

It would obviously be horrifying and traumatic if Niall figures out it was him who called today and that he’s got a huge embarrassing crush on him, but he’d like to think Niall would be able to pick out something different about his call. That there’s something that will always draw Niall to Harry just as Harry is bound to Niall.

“If someone I know did call I obviously wouldn’t betray their anonymity to you right now. I’m a man of integrity, Niall,” he says. “I’m just asking because I want to know what kind of caller sticks out to you, as a host.” He takes Niall’s face in his hands. “I want to know you, Niall.” 

Niall smiles, but pushes him away. “Get off me, idiot. No one stuck out.” 

Whatever. Harry will be the best man at Niall and instagram user megynh_xoxo’s wedding and die alone. It’s time to accept that.  
  


He fails to accept that. Harry has now called into Niall’s show so many times he’s lost count. If he had to ballpark it he’d probably say upwards of one thousand times at this point. It’s gotten so bad that he gets genuinely emotional when Niall takes someone else’s call instead of his. 

He’s also not stopped using the text-to-speech app and Niall still has no idea that it’s him. Harry has it set to an American woman’s voice just to throw him off his scent. On the bright side, the robotic American woman is now very good friends with Niall. He’s using this opportunity to fish for information on how to be the perfect boyfriend to Niall, and he thinks Niall is pleased that one of his listeners is so invested in him. 

He’s learned Niall’s ideal first date (pub), his dream wedding (intimate backyard wedding), and, on one incredible call that nearly resulted in Harry shattering his phone, how he likes to be kissed (Harry can’t think about this, he can’t). He hasn’t learned how he’d like to be asked out, but he’s getting around to that. Harry would like to be an expert on what comes after before he makes himself commit to what comes before. That’s what he tells himself, anyway. 

“The robot caller said they like The Eagles today,” Niall tells him. He’s been pretty good about not digging too deep on the robot voice thing. 

Niall’s really excited about having a regular caller that seems to have so much in common with him. Today he only had to mention that he liked classic rock once and Niall was off. He’s pretty sure everyone else is mad at him for how long he keeps Niall on the phone. 

“Why don’t you marry them, then.” Harry is bizarrely jealous of himself. He’s just a little miffed that Niall can’t tell it’s Harry, is all. The only reason Niall likes the robot caller so much is because Harry already knows him so well. 

“I would. I wish I knew what her voice actually sounded like.”

“Excuse me, Niall. How do you know it’s a ‘her?’” 

Niall had come to terms with liking boys about a year ago, but it’s always disappointing to see heteronormativity still has its claws in him. 

“The robot has a woman’s voice… I just pictured a woman?” 

Oh, right. “Well, you can’t know everything about someone based on a voice. Maybe they’re a man and they're just using a woman’s voice so you’d make the exact sort of ignorant mistake you just have,” he says. Oh god, why did he say that. “But that would be insane. So you’re probably right.” 

“Okay,” Niall says. “Do you think they were joking about all the crazy diet stuff? I don’t think my mum would like that.” 

“You’re cute,” Harry tells him, just to watch his cheeks color. 

So it probably should’ve occurred to Harry that if he thought fishing for information on Niall during his radio show was a good idea then maybe other people might have the same thought. In fairness, he thought it was basically common knowledge that  – in a completely not creepy and not possessive way  – Niall is his. 

Whatever. Not everyone got the memo, apparently, because now he’s sitting across from Niall in the library pretending he’s reading a book while Jade from one of Niall’s classes is sitting next to Niall, leaning closer, twirling her hair around her fingers, and speaking with a more suggestive tone than a discussion about the sulfur cycle calls for, frankly. 

He knows Niall is his own person and a free agent or whatever and that’s all well and good in theory but he doesn’t think that anyone would argue against the idea that Niall is being stolen right from under him. 

“So, Niall, I was planning on getting drinks with my friend tonight but she’s just cancelled on me. Do you think you’d like to keep me company instead?” So far she’s not even pretended to notice that Harry’s there, which is not polite at all. This makes her a bad match for Niall, who likes polite people. 

“I’m four weeks sober now,” Harry says. “So I can’t go. But thank you for offering.” He only realizes how loud he’d been speaking when the girl the next table over practically hisses at him. He ignores her, though. He’s got a robbery to stop. 

Jade is smiling very tightly at him, which is rude and further proof that she’s all wrong for Niall. Then he looks at Niall, who looks blatantly irritated, and he knows he’s doing the right thing because Jade’s bad energy is already rubbing off on him. “That’s too bad,” Jade says. “Niall?” 

“I’m free tonight.”

“No you aren’t,” Harry interjects. “He’s not free any night. Niall, you’re being inconsiderate, you know how Louis gets when you leave him by himself at night.” 

“Shut the fuck up, Harry, I am free. Louis prefers his girlfriend to me. He’d probably prefer I don’t come back at all tonight, actually.”

This is literally the worst thing that’s ever happened to him. 

Intervention at the library wasn’t enough, so he tags along with Niall when he meets Jade at the pub. Niall tries hard to shake him off, but he’s not discouraged. Niall is generally very smart but sometimes he requires a push in the right direction, one Harry is willing to provide, which is another reason he’s perfect for him and Jade isn’t. 

Jade looks surprised to see him, and when she asks if he’s okay to be there he almost asks her what the fuck she’s talking about. But he thinks he’s already testing Niall’s temper and he’s now vaguely recalling lying about being sober or something like that, so he very kindly tells her not to worry about it. And anyway, this strikes Harry as a really nice thing to say to your romantic rival and mortal enemy. Point Jade, then. She’s learning to play the game. 

Niall tells her “Don’t let him distract you” and Harry wants to interrupt again but now they’ve got their heads tipped together and they’re giggling. 

Awful. Disgusting. Harry is losing so badly.  __ He needs another drink.

When he thinks he’s properly loose and drunk enough to ruin this date, Niall says, “I think we’re gonna head out, Harry.” They’re both standing up and Jade’s hanging on his arm, chin on his shoulder. This is awful. This is the worst case scenario. He has to think fast. 

“Niall said he thinks the NHS is a waste of tax money.”

Okay, so. Not one of his better ideas, definitely, but Jade is pulling away from him now. “What?”

“I have NEVER said that,” Niall says, alarmed. 

“Niall said he wishes healthcare was privatized but he doesn’t care enough about anything to go out and vote on it.”

“Okay, I think-”

“That is not true,” Niall insists. “I love voting. I vote all the time. I voted on two instagram polls today. I love democracy.”

“That’s a lie. He told me he wishes all elected officials had life appointments. And also that there are too many immigrants in England.” 

“Why do you suddenly know so much about conservative politics, Harry?” Niall demands. “I’ve never seen you pick up a news source other than shitty celebrity tabloids.” 

“I learned it from you, Niall,” Harry says solemnly. “I learned it from you.”

Jade looks at both of them for a second. “I think I’m going to leave now, actually,” Jade says. “Alone.”

“Wait, but-”

“I think you’re cute, Niall,” she says, patting him on the shoulder. “But this is a lot. Sorry.”

Once she’s gone, Niall slumps back into the seat across Harry. “At least she was honest,” Harry says.

Niall rolls his eyes. “Oh, yeah. It’s pretty clear how much you value honesty, Harry.” 

And, well, Niall’s not wrong. Harry doesn’t feel great about what happened tonight, and the weight of just how badly he’s been treating Niall is starting to catch up with him a bit. Not just ruining his night with Jade just because she had the courage to do what he wouldn’t, but stringing him along on his own show and deceiving him for his own purposes. Is he catfishing Niall? Oh god, he’s catfishing Niall. He has to come clean. 

Later. Tomorrow. He looks so upset right now. “If it makes you feel any better,” Harry says, “I won’t ever leave you.” 

“That doesn’t make me feel better,” Niall tells him. “It makes me feel much worse.”

He doesn’t much feel like a winner right now. 

  
  


Harry doesn’t actually get the chance to tell him the truth the next day because Niall is upset with him for a good while after the Jade disaster. 

He knows it was awful of him to ruin Niall’s date with someone he likes just because Harry doesn’t want him to date anyone else, but he misses Niall and he wants to be forgiven. It takes about five days of incessantly texting him  _ I’m Sorry :(  _ and every combination of emojis he thinks might make Niall laugh for Niall to finally write him back  _ stop texting me idiot !!!!!!!!!  _

This is how Harry knows Niall is over it and it’s okay to ask him to grab lunch. (He’s seen Jade around campus a couple times since, too. Her eyes always seem to glide right past him like she’s never seen him before in her life, which is probably for the best, but kind of hurtful anyway.)

Harry doesn’t tell Niall the truth at lunch. He was planning on it, he really, really was, but Niall seemed just as happy to forgive him as Harry was to be forgiven that he couldn’t bring himself to ruin it. He hates when Niall is mad at him.

Instead, he buys him ice cream. Real ice cream, not the fake hipster health shit he makes fun of but still eats with Harry because Niall is always so good to him. 

He’s going to tell him, though. He will.

  
  


Harry’s calling into Niall’s show again. With the app. Just one last time! After days of deliberating he’s decided the best way to go about this is to just find out how Niall would like to be told about this. 

_ I’ve made a huge mistake.  _

“Haha! Strong start, buddy,” Niall says. “What’s your mistake?”

_ I’ve been lying to my friend. For a really, really long time. And I don’t know how to come clean about it now. _

“Well, I think you’ve just got to go for it, mate. Like ripping off a band aid. Surely your friend would prefer you telling them the truth at all rather than keep it to yourself forever.”

_ It’s a little bit more complicated than that. Because it’s a really long lie. And he’ll figure out more than I meant to tell him.  _

“I don’t think I’m following. It’s a long lie? What have you been lying about?” Niall asks. 

_ I don’t know how to explain it exactly. I’ve sort of been lying about my identity, you could say. _

Niall laughs a bit nervously. “Your… identity? What does that mean?”

_ Not in an illegal way! He just thinks I’m somebody else. Sometimes. _

“You’ve been lying about your identity… to your friend who sometimes thinks you’re somebody else?”

At this point it’s become totally clear that Harry can never call into the show again. He’s made Robot Voice Lady sound like a total psychopath and Niall might genuinely be about to call the police. Naturally, he decides to dig himself even deeper. 

_ It’s you, Niall. You’re the friend I’ve been lying to. I’m sorry. _

Oh no. Oh no, oh no. The number of truly awful decisions Harry’s managed to make in such a short amount of time must be some kind of world record. Oh god. 

“Who is this? Is this a prank? Louis?”

_ Not Louis. It’s not Louis.  _ He really should just pin it on Louis.  __

“Harry?” 

Harry’s blood runs cold.  _ No, _ he types in. “Nhjoy,” it comes out.

“Is this actually Harry?” 

This has gone more spectacularly wrong than he ever could have hoped, but he can’t lie to him anymore.  _ Yes.  _

“Harry, quit using your stupid fucking app and put your phone down. What are you doing this for? If you needed my advice why wouldn’t you just ask me?”

“I just-”

“Stop, I don’t want to hear anything you have to say right now. Is this a joke to you? You wanted to embarrass me on my own fucking show? You know how important this is to me.” __

Now Niall’s just being unfair. Obviously Harry knows that this opportunity meant the world to Niall, how can Niall ever doubt that? “I  _ know _ that, Niall, I-”

“Do you? Do you, really? Because I don’t think that someone who  _ knows _ that would try to turn my show into a joke just for a laugh."

“That’s not what I’m doing! I didn’t do this for a laugh, you know I wouldn’t do something like that.”

“I don’t think I do know that, actually,” Niall says with a harsher tone than he’s ever taken with Harry. “I don’t think someone who understood how important this is to me would use a dumb app and keep calling into my show with fake questions over and over again. God, can’t you take anything seriously?”

“No- They weren’t, fake, I-” Harry thinks he’s about to cry, or that he might be crying already. “That’s not fair,” he says finally. 

“This isn’t _fair?_ ” He can hear Niall take a deep breath before he starts speaking again. “I’m hanging up now, Harry. I’ll talk to you later.”

The line cuts off and Harry slams his laptop shut so he doesn’t have to hear Niall take the next caller. 

  
  


Later, Niall comes to his door with flowers, and Harry’s heart lifts. He doesn’t look angry, either. Has he finally caught on? Niall’s had a couple of hours between now and the end of his show. He’s definitely had enough time to figure out that he’s been the subject of all of Harry’s calls. 

Niall holds the flowers out to him and Harry readily accepts them.

“Are you going to come in?” He asks, just a bit muffled with how he’s got the bouquet up to his nose. 

Niall nods and shuffles in past him. 

Harry shuts the door behind him and waits for Niall to make himself comfortable before he starts speaking. “I’m, um, sorry for ruining your show.” 

Niall nods once. “Right. I’m, um, I’m sorry for embarrassing you. I shouldn't have lost it on air earlier, I should’ve waited to talk to you privately.” 

Niall still thought Harry was capable of ruining something for him for no reason other than his own amusement. That would be cruel, and Harry isn’t cruel. He didn’t think Niall would ever think he was cruel. 

“Niall,” he starts. “You know I wouldn’t ever try to- I know this is important to you. I remember how much work you put in to get here. I wouldn’t ever- I’d never, like, I wouldn’t make a joke out of it. Not something that’s important to you.”

“Yeah. I know,” Niall says, hollowly, like he doesn’t really believe him. 

“Like, none of the questions that I called in with- none of them were fake. They were real. I wanted your advice, like everyone does, because you’re so smart, Niall.”

Niall rolls his eyes. “Alright, you don’t have to flatter me, I get it.”

He doesn’t really, Harry can tell, but he decides the mature thing to do here is drop it. Niall just needs some more time to cool off, and then he’ll remember that Harry’s his best friend who loves him and would never do anything to jeopardize his success, that’s all.

They sit in silence for a while longer while Harry tries to figure out how to bring up the flowers. Obviously Niall wouldn’t’ve brought them if he didn’t like Harry back. Obviously.  _ Obviously _ . 

He’s still trying to decide if his logic is completely sound when Niall asks, “So if it wasn’t all fake, who were you talking about?”

Alright then. Niall’s just as scared as Harry is. He’s looking for reassurance. That’s fine. If one of them has to be the brave one for this to move along, then Harry supposes he can take up the role. 

“You.” Harry makes sure to make unblinking eye contact with him. When they’re looking back on this moment when they’re old and gray, Niall should be able to recall with perfect clarity the feeling in Harry’s eyes. Maybe he should try to make himself cry for this. That would be a nice detail in their story.

A less nice detail they’ll have to include is when Niall starts laughing seconds later. “I’m being serious, Harry.”

Harry narrows his eyes. He’s pretty sure he hasn’t misread the situation. “What are you talking about?” 

“What, are you embarrassed?” Niall asks. Harry just keeps getting more confused. “I won’t judge you, you know that. It can’t be that bad.”

“Are you kidding?” He doesn’t think his brain has quite caught up with everything that’s happening right now. “Are you serious? Are you making fun of me right now?”

“What?” Niall asks. “Are you not going to tell me?”

“ _ Tell  _ you? I thought you’d figured it out!” Harry can hear his voice get louder.  _ Shouting won’t be a very good detail for the story,  _ he thinks. 

“How could I have figured it out? You haven’t told me anything about it!” Now Niall’s yelling too. He knows he shouldn’t let this keep getting out of hand, but, God, how could Niall be this  _ dumb.  _

“Niall, you’re so- What were the flowers for, then? Why would you bring me flowers if you didn’t know?!” 

“Know what? What do the flowers have to do with any of this? You like flowers so I got you flowers?” Niall says, very seriously, like he hasn’t just said the stupidest thing Harry’s ever heard in his life. “Is it someone I know? Someone you’re close to?” Harry thinks he’s finally caught on when he asks, “Is it _Liam?_ Harry, I think he’s totally strai-”

“No! God, I can’t believe I called you smart before, how could you think it’s Liam? How can you not know after all this?” 

“I don’t understand why you won’t just tell me! Are you still messing with me? Was embarrassing me in front of the whole fucking school not enough for you?” 

Irritation flares in Harry, and he realizes that he’s mad and that he has been for a while. That it’s been simmering under the surface since Niall yelled at him in front of all his listeners on air and he kept it in check because he  _ loves _ Niall and Niall doesn’t even  _ know. _ “Maybe I don’t want to tell you,” he snaps. “Have you thought of that, Niall? Maybe I don’t want you to know. Maybe I don’t want to tell all my secrets to someone who thinks I’m a terrible person who never thinks about anyone but myself. Maybe I don’t want to tell you who I’m in love with because you think that I’m the kind of person who’d just ruin something for you because I can’t take anything seriously when I- when you’re my best friend.” 

Once Harry’s gotten it all out and he’s come down from his rage, he sees Niall looks hurt. That’s not what he wants. It might’ve been, a couple of seconds ago when he was just so angry at him and all he could think about was how awful Niall made him feel, but not anymore. 

“You’re in love with someone?” Niall asks quietly. 

Harry nods. He’s got an apology on the tip of his tongue, but before he can get there Niall tells him he has to be somewhere. He has nowhere to be, Harry knows his schedule inside and out, but he lets him go anyway. 

  
  


It’s around 2:37 am that night that Harry has to admit to himself that Niall’s never been dumb, he just doesn’t like him back. Niall obviously thought it was just a silly crush, but now Harry’s gone and let it slip that he’s in love with him and he’s uncomfortable now. He recalls every story his sister’s ever told him about an annoying boy who kept bugging her because he wouldn’t take a hint.  _ I’m that boy _ , he thinks to himself. 

And Niall’s been so kind, trying to let him down gently and ignoring the glaringly obvious for Harry’s sake. He wonders just how long he’s known, and how long Harry’s been making him uncomfortable. It’s time to return the kindness, he figures, and give Niall space. If Niall wants to continue their friendship then he’ll let him do it on his own terms. No more following him around, or calling into his show every week, or yelling at him when he’s just trying to be nice about breaking Harry’s heart. 

(Harry still thinks it was a little insensitive of Niall to bring flowers just to reject him, though.)

Harry had anticipated his days becoming a dismal slog without Niall, but he hadn’t considered all the smaller stuff. 

Like, on his way to class he steps on gum on the sidewalk and when he lifts his foot he finds the gum’s made a heart shape on his sole. His first instinct is to pull out his phone and text Niall a picture. He sends it to Liam instead. 

_??? _ Liam texts back.

Niall would’ve understood he thinks miserably. 

He tunes into Niall’s show later, like an absolute idiot, but he already misses him so much. He has to shut off his phone and throw it across the room to avoid the temptation of calling in, just to talk to him for a bit. 

Niall listens to his callers patiently and answers their questions thoughtfully just like he always does. One caller brings up the strangeness of the last broadcast, and Niall is cagey about answering any questions about it. He should probably stop tuning in. 

  
  


The next two weeks go like this: he drags himself out of bed, goes to class, listens to Niall’s show, and tries not to cry when Niall so much as says the word “love.”

That’s how it goes, that is, until one day Louis stomps up to his room and throws a phone at the back of Harry’s skull on a Thursday afternoon. 

“Call Niall, idiot.”

Harry sits up in bed and rubs the back of his head. “That was mean.” 

“You deserve it,” Louis says. “What you did was shitty. Call Niall.” 

Harry flops right back over. “He doesn’t want to hear from me, Louis.” 

“How would you know? You haven’t spoken to him in days,” he says. 

“Yes, I do know that because the last time we spoke he made up a terrible excuse to get out of here as fast as he could because he figured out I’m in love with him.” He pulls his pillow over his face to properly convey his anguish to Louis. If Niall were here he would just  _ know _ . “I’ve ruined everything.” 

“What was that?” Louis asks, trying to pull the pillow away from Harry’s face. Once he does, Harry childishly rolls over so he’s facing away from him.

“I said I’ve ruined everything, Louis! Leave me alone! I want to die here. By myself. Go away.” He can’t do that, actually, because he’s got a paper due later today, but he wants to write it miserable and alone without Louis here to harp on about how there’s something to salvage between Niall and him. 

“You’re both idiots. You’re miserable without each other. Call him,” Louis sighs. “Or at least leave this room for a change. Liam tells me you’ve been holed up in here for weeks.”

Louis leaves before Harry has a chance to bite back that actually _ ,  _ he does get out of his room, thank you very much. Just yesterday he did his studying in the library. Obviously, he would’ve left out the part where he didn’t do any real studying and only watched Niall read his textbook from behind a shelf the entire time because Louis would’ve taken that the wrong way. It’s just. He really does miss Niall so much. 

He doesn’t know how to make Louis and everyone else understand that he is grieving. Niall has cut him out forever and as long as he’s still in love with him he’s never going to get him back. He’s going to die alone on an uncomfortable twin bed mourning a heart that was never his. 

He wonders if Niall is grieving him too. He checks Niall’s instagram to check for any signs of moping. Niall’s posted a thirst trap to his story. 

Business as usual, then. 

Normally Harry would reply to his story with an offer to blow him, in hopes that one day he won’t just answer with the cry-laughing emojis and actually take him up on it. Today he skips all that and heads straight for the shower. 

  
  


Loathe as he is to admit it, Louis may have been on to something when he suggested going outside for himself and not to spy on Niall. 

He calls Nick, who’d been bugging him to hang out for some time now. They meet up at the dining hall, to the disappointment of Nick, who put up a good fight in favor of a party going on the next night. Harry would have agreed under normal circumstances, but even the thought of trying to go to a party thrown by someone he doesn’t know and pretending to have fun with people he doesn’t talk to makes him so, so tired.

He thinks Nick was overlooking the merits of a one-on-one conversation in the dining hall, anyway. He’s been neglecting his other friends for weeks in favor of trying to get Niall to fall in love with him through the radio, so it’s nice to be able to catch up. 

The fact that he meets Nick at the same time he knows Niall will be there is a coincidence. He’s really having a very good time ignoring that Niall is here in the room with him and talking to his good friend Nick who he likes just as much.

And then, as he always does, his eyes drift over to Niall. Their eyes meet for a split second, right before they both look away. Harry tries very, very, very hard to mind his own business and have as good a time with Nick as he was having before he spotted Niall, but even if he isn’t looking at him he still can’t stop thinking about him. 

He notices Louis looks a bit annoyed with Niall when he risks a glance over to their table. He hopes he’s not being too hard on him. It can’t be easy trying to gently let down your best friend only to have to completely cut him off after realizing he’s a lost cause. 

Niall turns his head to look over at him, and this time Harry keeps his gaze. His initial expression is a bit worried, so Harry tries to muster a small smile for him.  _ I’m okay, _ he’s trying to tell him, _ you don’t have to worry about me anymore.  _ Niall returns it and turns back to Louis, but Harry feels worse than he does before. He doesn’t want Niall to have to worry about him anymore, but he doesn’t feel okay. He feels like he’s losing his mind, a little bit. 

When he finally looks back at Nick’s he’s got his eyebrows raised at him.

“What?”

“Do you want to go invite your boy over?” Nick asks.

Harry huffs. “He’s not my boy. He doesn’t want to be my boy.” 

Nick rolls his eyes at him and starts telling him about the party he keeps nagging at Harry to go with him to. 

“I’ll go,” he says suddenly.

“What?”

“The party. I’ll go with you,” Harry clarifies. 

Nick smiles at him. “Knew you’d come around.” 

It only takes him around 15 hours to regret agreeing. 

“I don’t understand,” Liam says. “If you don’t want to go, just don’t go?” 

Harry sighs. Liam’s always been a bit slow on the uptake. “No, Liam, I do have to go,” he says patiently. “I’m Niall-less now. Forever. I have to re-establish myself in social circles without Niall. I have to learn to be social without Niall.”

“Harry,” Liam says very seriously. “You sound like you’re going through a divorce.” 

Finally it seems like Liam’s got it. “Yes, Liam, thank you. A friend divorce.”

He thinks he sees Liam’s eye twitch. He’s not sure what that’s about. 

  
  


The party was not a good idea. The party may be the worst idea Harry’s ever had. Aside from every other idea he’s had the past couple weeks, that is. That’s probably some kind of sign.

He’s very, very drunk and he’s absolutely certain that Niall is here. 

The lights are dim and he’s so crowded that he can hardly make any one individual out, but he knows he’s seen Niall. 

He was busy half-heartedly flirting with some guy with weird hair and too big glasses, chosen specifically for how little he reminded him of Niall, but now he’s thinking he’d rather be talking to Niall anyway. He has no idea why Niall is here. Niall’s crowd and Nick’s crowd are very different people. Niall should not be here. 

He feels like this is as good a time as any to confront him about this. 

He abruptly excuses himself from his conversation with this guy who isn’t Niall, and makes his way through the crowd to pull him away from the girl he was talking to. “What are you doing here?” 

“I didn’t realize I needed to check in with you before going to a party, Harry. It didn’t seem like you’ve cared where I’ve been the last couple weeks,” Niall snaps. 

“Why are you so mad at me?” Harry asks. “I’m giving you what you want.”

“What do I want, Harry? For you to pull a weeks long prank on me? For you to taunt me with your weird secrets? For you to totally ignore me for weeks?” 

Harry blinks. He hasn’t been doing any of that. “I didn’t do any of that.”

Niall scoffs. “Why won’t you just tell me the truth? Why did you do all that to me?”

“I don’t- What?” The music is getting so loud. Harry has a headache. He pulls Niall into the bathroom. “What are you talking about?”

“I just want the truth, Harry.”

The truth… he’s pretty sure he’s already told him the truth, that he was the robot caller catfish. Maybe he means the other truth. “I’m in love with you.”

He can hear Niall inhale sharply. “You’re drunk.”

“You don’t love me back.” 

Niall doesn’t deny this. Niall doesn’t agree either. Niall’s hands are on his face and Niall is pulling him down into a kiss. 

He doesn’t understand what’s happening, but Niall is so warm. He tastes like alcohol and his lips are a little chapped and when Harry brings his hands up to his cheeks his fingers catch on his stubble. It’s just like he’s always thought it would be. It’s even better. 

Niall is the first to pull away. He’s still so close. He can feel his breath on his lips as he pants. 

Harry’s sensing an upcoming and urgent problem. “Excuse me,” he tells him and then turns around to throw up into the toilet bowl. When he can lift his head again, Niall is gone. 

  
  


So pretty much every bad thing that can happen to someone has happened to Harry. He wakes up the next day in his own bed by himself. He’s got a terrible headache. He hasn’t seen Niall since he fled the bathroom. Everything is as bad as it could possibly be. 

Liam has a bowl of cereal out for him when he stumbles out of the bedroom. He’s not great at cooking, but Harry is trying to appreciate the gesture. 

“This is soggy and disgusting, Liam. I don’t want this.” 

Liam rolls his eyes. “You’re grumpy. Did Niall not find you yesterday?” 

“Huh?” 

“I mentioned you were going to the party with Nick to Niall and he said he was going to go too. To talk to you.”

Harry has no idea what Liam’s talking about, honestly. Niall could’ve talked to him at any point during the last few weeks. Why would he seek him out at a party he had no reason to be at? “That doesn’t make any sense.” 

“Whatever, bro. I’ve tried everything, you guys are on your own now. I’m going to class.”

“Bye, Liam,” Harry says. He shovels the soggy cereal into his mouth. It’s so gross. He’s going to eat this whole thing. He’s going to fall asleep face down in the milk and drown in it. 

Liam knocks on the door not two minutes after he leaves. He’s always forgetting his fucking keys. “Liam, I’m going to buy you a lanyard and tie it around your- Oh. Niall.” 

Niall is standing in front of him, a mirror of that day he found out it was Harry calling into his show for weeks. Except today he’s only got one flower. The stem is crushed and there are petals missing. “Sorry about the flower. There were more. But I ran here.” 

“It’s okay,” Harry says. “Why did you bring me this?” 

“I’m- last night. And the past couple weeks,” Niall says. “I’m sorry. I missed you. Louis hasn’t been able to stand me, I’ve been such a mope. But he said you were acting the same and it made me feel better that you were just as miserable as me even though that’s stupid and I should’ve just reached out to you”

“That’s alright. I should’ve too,” he says. “I thought you wouldn’t want to hear from me. I should’ve just asked.” 

“Yeah, well, I- I thought you were in love with someone else. Which hurt me more than I expected, I didn’t… know. Until then. What I felt,” he explains. “And then Liam said you were going to a party when I thought you were being a sad sack like me and I just- I lost it. I don’t know. I’m sorry.” 

“Aw, Niall,” Harry says softly. “I’m sorry too. For everything.”

“I slept with someone else last night.” 

That’s a punch to the chest. No big deal. “Okay. Have fun?”

“No,” Niall breathes. “Not at all. When you- after we- you know, I, um, panicked. And I ran. And then I just took the first girl I saw home. She had curly brown hair and light eyes. It was really embarrassing for me when I realized this morning.” 

“You’re going to have to spell this one out for me, babe,” Harry says. He feels comfortable enough to take both his hands in his. “What are you trying to tell me?” 

“I, um, what you said last night? I think- like, I also, uh-” 

“I love you, Niall,” he tells him. “I meant it. I’ve meant it this whole time.”

“Okay,” Niall says. His voice is so shaky. He loves him so much. “Okay. Me too. I also do. To you.” 

“You’re adorable.” He takes Niall’s face in his hands. 

“I’m sorry I kept running away. I won’t anymore,” Niall says. 

“It’s okay. I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with you,” he replies. “I ruined our kiss last night.”

Niall is smiling so widely now. “I didn’t help.” 

“I think we should both say we were too drunk to remember that one. This one is the first.” 

And he leans in. 

**Author's Note:**

> title from taylor swift's "end game" because i thought it was funny. in my heart though this fic will always be titled "niall horan's miracle theatre" so please only refer to it as such.
> 
> i've been working on this on and off for about fifteen to twenty years now. once i had some big, big plans for this universe, and that's all pretty much completely shot now, but i'm really glad this little bit of it made it out in to the world and i won't have this wip weighing on me for the rest of my life. 
> 
> thank you to gwen, who is the reason this exists at all and probably came up with half these ideas (i assume, it's been a while), sanya, who is the bestest friend and rolls with everything i tell her no judgement, lillie, who gave this a read before it was posted and sent me a number of invaluable DMs about it, and miranda, who is the reason this got finished at all (and who wrote bits of niall's advice because i'm incapable of being earnest!! double thank you!!). love u all dearly.
> 
> and thank you to anyone who read this all the way through. i hope you're safe and healthy and that this was even a little bit of fun for you <3


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